I’m so excited to be hosting our first dad blogger, Chris, who writes at From the Bungalow. I got an email a while back, from another dad, asking if we could please include more dads points of view on the blog, and I’m so happy that Chris took the time to reach out to me and agreed to share a post with us!

So without further adieu, please allow me to share My Son, My Choice, by Christopher Tucker.

There, I said it.

At times, The Boy can be obnoxious, whiny, chatty… He’s six. I also really dislike his father. It feels sheisty to even bring that up because it should have nothing to do with my step-son, but if I’m being totally honest here, it does affect how I interact with him at times. Let’s face it: I just don’t have the same inherent instinct to protect and nurture him that I feel with “my” boys. I didn’t help make him, and I wasn’t there when he entered the world.

The sibling rivalry between The Boy and my biological sons can get intense, and my knee-jerk reaction is to come to their aid without caring to hear his side of the story. But I try. The problem is, he knows I don’t feel the same way about him as I do my other boys. As much as I may try to hide the disparate feelings (or not, at times), children are very perceptive. I won’t pretend to be an expert in blended families, but I know what a frustrated, angry, sad, six-year-old little boy looks like. I used to be one. Heck, sometimes I still am one; a frustrated, angry, sad, 36-year-old little boy.

But there’s a difference between the two of us, and I don’t mean the three decades of life experience I’ve got over him. The difference is choice.

It was my choice to marry his mother and be a father figure to him, not his. He’s stuck with me, not I with him. It’s my job–responsibility?–no, my privilege to raise not just two, but three unique, caring, healthy, stable men. I chose to become a dad, not twice, but three times. I will not miss this opportunity because of biology or the lack thereof.

At times he can be obnoxious, chatty, whiny… He’s six.

And he’s my son.

Photo Credit: Christopher Tucker

There are certain things we can’t teach our kids. There are a lot of things we can only hope they figure out once placed in the right set of circumstances. Bravery is one of those things. My 8 year old (who just turned 8 this week) daughter has always been a little on the introverted side. Until you get to know her than she is the silliest and funniest little person you’ve ever met of course. But this has always been her personality, and I’ve never thought much of it.

I feel strongly that every child, like every adult, is made up of unique personality traits and quirks that make us all unique. Each trait as valuable and wonderful as the next. That being said, there have been times over the years when I’ve feared that my daughter’s introverted personality has sometimes kept her from trying things she might actually really love doing and be quite good at.

But I’ve never pushed her. I’ve never pushed her into sports, or dance, or any other activities that she has shied away from. She has a close circle of good friends and enjoys playing and is pretty chatty and open with kids in her class at school. So I’ve just let her be herself. Like I said, never pushed. Even when I thought she’d love dance, love a sport or game that she shied away from.

Then this year she decided to join a few of her close friends and play softball. This was a big deal for her and once I was delighted to sign her up. As happy as she has been to play she still struggled in the beginning. Having all eyes on her while she’s up to bat or catching or pitching takes her far out of her comfort zone. But she’s doing it. And now we’re half way through the season, and something amazing has happened.

My daughter has tried out and made the school talent show.

She and some friends are doing a hilarious Gangham Style (Kid’s Bop Version) dance routine. The audition took my sweet daughter farther out of her comfort zone than she has ever been and now she is looking forward to and pushing through the nervousness of actually performing at the bog show.

Bravery, is pushing through your comfort zone, trying new things and testing your own limits. And that’s what she has learned all on her own.

The parenting lesson I’ve learned? If you let your child be happy in who she is, the rest will come. She’ll find her own path and her own way and be confident in her ability to travel it.

photo credit: lunita lu via photopin cc

There has been a lot of talk lately over a women’s role in the home and in the work place, thanks in part to the new book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I haven’t read it yet, but have read many articles and reviews of people who both love and hate it. Once again the murky waters of how a woman finds balance and what makes someone a good mom or boss or spouse are back in the spotlight.

Personally I’m exhausted over debating these things. I’m tired of comparing myself to other moms and working women. Frankly, I will never be that mom who’s got it all together. I will never be the mom who remembers every little date, the gift for the teacher and the Tiger Scout meeting all on the same day. I just never will be.

I will always be the one whipping out the permission slip at the last possible moment where it is has sat crumpled and washed in the back pocket of my jeans. I am the mom who when asked for a tissue will always have one, it will just take 10 minutes of fishing through my purse to find it.

I can never go grocery shopping without forgetting at least one thing. In fact, I always count on having to go right back out again. Have I ever lied to my child that there were no more cookies, just cause I was saving the last one for myself? Sure, I’ll be honest. We’re all friends here, right?

But my kids are loved, clothed, and fed. It may have been hot dogs and macaroni & cheese, but they’re fed and they think I’m awesome…. Most of the time anyway.

It’s important to be honest about our imperfections when it comes to motherhood. Because we all have imperfections. There is no such thing as the perfect mother. All we can do is the best we can and laugh off the rest.

Any mom who appears to have it all together is just putting on a show. Somewhere beneath that cool mom exterior is a sink full of dirty dishes and a Calgon commercial waiting to happen. Just like the rest of us.

I think that’s why I prefer books like See Mom Run (edited by Beth Feldman, RoleMommy.com). A book that has sat on my work desk for the last two years. I like to see the perfect mom come clean and show that she’s no better or worse than the rest of us.

So next time you’re not having one of you’re best mommy days, remember you’re not alone. For me, just knowing that I’m not the only mom who actually has made a few mistakes along the way makes me sleep better at night. But just a little better, I mean I do have kids you know. So I don’t sleep that much…

photo credit: marsmet545 via photopin cc

Stephanie from Talking is My Primary Function shares with us the story of her kids’ and the dentist… it’s not all cartoons and prize trunks!

Today my sons took their stuffed animals to the dentist which was located in the darkest corner of my closet. The symbolism was not lost on me. It was so great when my twins got teeth because it felt like they were turning into real humans! Jack was so easy that I didn’t even know he was teething until the sharp, white tooth was just in his mouth one day. Alex was a little tougher, but they both seemed to get through it fairly quickly. And then the little darlings bit me every time I went in their mouths. Bedtime became a battle between me and their rotting teeth. I admit that some nights we didn’t brush at all. And some days. The boys told my mom we only brush when we leave the house.

But the first trip to the dentist was good. The place was like Chuck E Cheese’s with games and movies. Each exam room had a screen over the chair so the patients could watch TV as the dentist worked. They even had the Pole Position arcade game for after you finished. Free. The dentist worked quickly to count their teeth, assess their bites, and poke their gums. I learned that I would some day be buying an orthodontist his yacht and that I needed to floss their teeth. Sure thing.

Nevertheless I forged ahead. I renewed my dental diligence. Mostly.

The second dental exam included a cleaning and X-rays. This appointment ended with the boys picking out a cheap prize and me getting called into the principal’s office. It seemed my brushing had earned both boys a D. I was embarrassed and stunned. Even worse, Alex had cavities that needed filling, and Jack had some that were being watched. So, we paid a fortune, and my four-year-old got his first taste of laughing gas.

Again I took up the dental mission and became not just bad cop, but Undirty Harry. I dreaded getting ready for school and bed time. I knew it was me against two of the most stubborn, wily children ever born. Oh the tears…..the cries of being too tired to stand at the sink….

I was stupidly excited for our next dental exam. Good news! The boys could now reach the pedal and play Pole Position. Oh, their teeth were still a mess, but it was fun to see them play a game I enjoyed in my youth.

Now I was taken to the cubicle of shame and told that both boys needed fillings and crowns and a better mom. I made the appointment. This time they had advised that we use sedation on Jack as he was more, um, tense. (Read: stubborn and uncooperative when he decides what you’re doing is not cool anymore.) Now were were talking about a future appointment in the $$$$’s range. I cried over the pain my boys were in for and the shoes I would not purchase.

Then I had a brilliant idea and consulted my friend who is a dentist. I told her I felt like I was being scammed. Cavities in baby teeth? Is that a real thing we fix? She said it was probably okay to skip the fillings and sedation and suffering. I rejoiced and bought some boots.

We returned to the dentist. She wanted to reschedule Jack’s massive fix, and oh, now Alex needed more filled. If I told you the price for ramming pokey instruments into the wee parts of my kids’ teeth, you’d pass right out and when you came to, you’d punch any dentist you came across.

That’s when I realized our dentist was out-of-network for our insurance. So, I found a dentist in-network and was pleased to not be treated like a naughty child. He explained what was up with my boys’ teeth, how to fix it, and why. He of course had the boys won over with the Wii in the lobby AND the back room.

Monday was the day of doom. The boys were okay even though skipping breakfast was troubling. They wanted to master Wii bowling so they didn’t really think too hard about what was ahead. I was nauseous and panicky. (Did I mention I once had four baby teeth pulled at the same time?) We were there for four hours. My kids came out drunk-looking and drooling out of their now silver mouths. Seriously, they look like Jaws from the 007 movies.

We spent the rest of the day on the couch. They were hungry but sore. Their mouths felt weird after the anesthesia wore off, and it made them cry. And then we had to brush. The dentist said there would be blood but to do it anyway. So I did.

And then I cried after they went to bed.

We are now looking at three brushings a day even if they bleed or are in pain. Which they are. They can’t have gummy fruit snacks which is a five-year-old tragedy of epic proportions.

And the dentist is now a place that is as dark and scary as my closet. Dude, even my husband won’t go in there.

photo credit: 807MDSC via photopin cc

The lovely Amiyrah of 4 Hats and Frugal is sharing this post and her sweet photo with us today, on how important best friends are, and that as parents, we are our child’s first one.

From as young as we can remember, we’ve all had best friends. Ones that we’ve had for years, and some that we may have lost along the way but will always be part of our fond memories. Best friends are essential in the building of our personalities. This is even more true when it comes to our kids. Friends help them see themselves in the lights and eyes of others, it shows them compassion, and helps them become aware of how important relationships are. The best part of that first best friend for your child is that it’s you. You are their first best friend.

We all know this. We love to list our kids as our best friends when gloating about how great they are. Our closeness with our children will always affect them, now and later in life. If we view ourselves as not only their caretakers and protectors, but as their first friend, we’ll be able to fully appreciate how important we are to them. After 7 years of being a best friend to a child that loves me unconditionally, and now repeating the experience with my toddler, the idea of being his first best friend has just sunk in. The way I treat them will be the way they’ll treat their friends. It’s my duty to show them how to be kind and give your heart to someone who thinks you’re amazing. It’s my job to accept all the gifts, notes, pictures and play-doh statues they make for me. It’s my job to care enough to tell them when they’ve hurt or disappointed me. It’s overwhelming, but key to creating positive people that will contribute to the world with an open heart. My job is to create beings that are like me, but better.

As they grow and pull away from our friendship, I’d be sad but proud of how the love that was once reserved just for me, has now been shared with others in the world. Their new best friends. But I’ll always know who was the first.

Background: This post is written by Life360′s cofounder and CEO, Chris Hulls. His primary focus is on setting the direction for the Life360 product, and he is joining us today to give our users some insight into how Life360 makes decisions, and more importantly, when to expect new features in the app.

If you’ve spent any time using Life360, you’ve probably come across some reference to our number of users, which at the time of this post, is over 30 million. That means we are one of the biggest mobile apps in the world, which is something the team and I are exceptionally proud of. You might think this means we are also a big company, but in fact, we are quite small – the entire team is less than 30 full time employees. A year ago, it was just 10.

This unfortunately means that a lot of great ideas – many of which came from users like you – aren’t brought into the app as quickly as we would like. This frustrates me to no end, and I’m spending a huge amount of my time raising money for the company so we can hire more engineers and get features out faster. But, that takes time, and for now, it means we can only work on a few projects at a time.

So how do we prioritize projects at Life360? Basically, it goes something like this:

1. Fix things that are broken
2. Refine and enhance existing features
3. Add new stuff

Going on this model, I’d like to share with you some of the big things we have in the pipeline:

On the “fix things that are broken” front, we have realized that a lot of our most loyal users are getting frustrated with us that they can only have one family account. This was initially by design, since we don’t want to become an app for friends, but we have realized there is something of a middle ground that will let you link Life360 to people close to you who are outside of your core nuclear family. Expect to see what we are calling “Circles” live by this summer – you’ll be able to create groups with their own sharing settings for people outside of your core nuclear family.

Moving on to “refine and enhance existing features,” we realize that our family messaging system is very barebones. It doesn’t allow one-to-one messaging, you can’t upload pictures, and it doesn’t do a good job of threading conversations. We think this could and should be a complete SMS replacement for your family, but it isn’t there yet. Expect to see messaging get a lot better over the next few months.

Lastly, let’s look at “add new stuff”. We have TONS of things on our wish list, and it is very hard to decide what features should get priority. Here are some examples (in no particular order):

• Build a version of Life360 that runs in your car
• Add location aware to-do lists
• Build apps for tablets, Windows Phones, and other mobile platforms
• Link to family calendars
• Offer a physical GPS device (for locating users who don’t carry phones)
• Plus about 100 other things that wouldn’t fit here

One of the most requested features on this wish is a Windows version of the app. It is something I wish we would have had by now, but unfortunately, it is a project that we haven’t been properly able to commit to. As our user base has grown, many of the engineers who would have been building the Windows app have had to shift their focus to just keeping the system up and running. Given all these other things we need to do, I’m not able to tell you definitively when the Windows app will be ready, but if I had to guess it won’t be until late this year. To all the Windows Phone users out there, please believe me when I say this frustrates me just as much as you! We are working on hiring engineers as quickly as possible, and we have even reached out to Microsoft to see if they can offer us some special support. If you want to help us with this, please send a note directly to our community manager Lizz telling her how much you want Life360 on your Windows Phone, and we’ll send it to the Microsoft team to as part of our pitch to get their help.

We really do value the input of users like you, and most of our priorities are directly driven from your feedback. Hopefully this post gave you some insight into what to expect next, and please keep sending us the good ideas.

I don’t know why people make such a big deal out of how hard it is to communicate with teenagers. All you need are truth serum and some sort of non-marking restraint. I’ve had at least one teenager in my house since 2004. One year–the Year of Wine–I had three teens at once. My very own Teen Invasion continues until the year 2020, if I make it.

I may not know a lot about parenting, or birth control, but I do know this: young adult-type people will listen to you as long as they don’t feel trapped. Keep your important talks short and casual. It’s better to have five conversations that last five minutes than to have one hour-long talk.

After the first time you discuss any topic, they will be all, “I *know*, Mom! Drugs are bad and stay in school,” but they will still be listening. Also, deep down in that place that will soon be an adult, they will know you are telling them what’s important to you, and it will be appreciated.

Our best talks take place in the car. I like to grab a different kid to go alone with me on my errands. I really would cherish that time in the car by myself to sing without all the eye rolling. Instead, I give up a little me-time to have and to give undivided attention to my child.

The benefit to our car talks is that they feel much less intimidated. They don’t have to make eye contact and they know we won’t be in the car too long. Escape is imminent!

For me, I know there will be no stomping off in a cloud of Taylor Swift perfume fumes. That child has to talk to me unless she is willing to jump, tuck, and roll at a yellow light.

Where I live baseball season is about to get into full swing. Pre season started a few weeks back and opening day for both baseball and softball are within the next two weeks. Little League is funny here in California because the pre-season starts in January. So many practices are spent bundled up with blankets and warm drinks. Every year we’ve played little league it’s been that way.

But of course as the season progresses, winter turns to spring and the blankets and sun block and sunglasses replace jackets. By the end of the season it’ll be summer and we will seek out shaded and water to combat the 90 degrees heat as we watch the kids play ball. It starts just when we start to feel the cabin fever come in from the long cold winter days. It forces us outside into the icy fresh air. Then rewards us with sunshine and spring carrying into the end of the school year and the start of glorious summer.

I don’t actually think my son is Mickey Mantle or that my daughter will become a college softball star (not that those things aren’t possible) but I do know thatsomeday they will look back on their days playing ball with warmth and a deeprooted love that could never be explained to someone who never picked up a bat.

They’ll remember warm days and ice cream after practice. They’ll remember home runs and their mom always smiling and cheering in the stands, whether they were striking out or running home.

Not everything in parenthood is easy; in fact a lot of it can be quite hard. But some things come easily. And being a baseball mom, well that’s one of those things. A bond my kids and I will forever have between us.

Do your kids play Little League or Softball?

Of all the things a mom needs to get through the day, week or month, one of the most important is the one that most often falls to the bottom of the To-Do list. “Me Time.” There are so many reasons why having that “me time” is so important for us moms. And I am a true believer in the necessity of it for moms everywhere. I guess that’s easy enough for me to say, but the truth is I’ll have to admit that in the almost ten years I’ve been a mom I have not always followed that advice very much. But now, since my kids are both little older, I am have finally seen that shift in our household that is granting me a little more freedom. Not that I always take advantage of it, but still…

My kids are nine and seven so while I do still hear a lot of “mommy, mommy, mommy” much of the time, they are nowhere near as dependant on me as they once were. Granting me more freedom and more opportunities to take a little time for myself.

This certainly a far cry from the early years of motherhood. You know, where you begin to feel like trips to the bathroom are your only chance for a little time to yourself. And even then it’s usually interrupted by the inevitable cry of a hungry infant or a toddler who MUST find their favorite hot wheel “RIGHT NOW.”

When I do get the chance to go out with my fellow moms or old friends. It’s both good and oh so important for my mommy soul. Who we were before we became moms is still who we are today. But sometimes a sink full of dirty dishes, a husband stressing over bills, and the never-ending tasks of mommyhood can shadow that person. And that’s a shame because I truly believe that the more in tune we are to that “inner person” the better a mom we’ll be.

I spent my teen years very close with my girlfriends. We were loud, strong, outgoing and laughed all the time. We made each other feel strong and we were always there for each other. So now as a 30-something when I get the chance to spend time with them, it refreshes me and reminds me of the person I was when I was younger. And since my kids started school I have discovered a new circle of close friends, that I see each day and very much resemble the group I once ran with in high school.

More importantly, spending time with my friends reminds me that I’m still the same person today that I was before kids. And after a carefree girls night out I always find myself laughing more with my kids. My patience increases and my tolerance for household chores and the other quirks of being a mom suddenly rises.

Moms tend to run out of gas. “Me time” or “girl time” with friends is a mom’s way of refilling the gas tank (so to speak).

So make sure you take a little time each month to refill your tank ladies. If you can get together with some friends, great. But it doesn’t matter what it is. A trip to Starbucks, a walk or run, whatever. That may seem like a tall order for some of you newer moms out there or moms who still have babies attached at the hip who are feeling like you’ll never have me time again, but hang in there. It gets easier. It really truly does.

photo credit: ali edwards via photopin cc