Parenting

When your youngest child finally leaves toddlerhood behind and can no longer be considered a baby, it can bring about a range of emotions. The emotions can range from absolute excitement and joy to a very real sense of loss and grief. But whatever side of the spectrum our feelings fall on, the question will always pop up into our mind: should I have another baby?

I am no stranger to this moment in motherhood as my youngest will be in kindergarten by the end of August. But, like many of you out there, circumstances prevent me from realistically entertaining the idea of having another baby at this point. For many women the choice is made for them. Financially, physically, or logistically, they are unable to have another baby.

This post is for them.
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Three states — Florida, Mississippi, and Utah — don’t allow gay couples to adopt. But they should! Research has shown that same-sex couples make perfectly good parents, and in some cases, are even better parents than straight couples. (That last bit is controversial, but the research at least concludes that families with same-sex parents are not worse off.) So is it time to end the ban on gay adoptions?

An article from the August issue of Applied Developmental Science argues that there’s no reason policy should prohibit same-sex couples from adopting. There is “no justification for denying lesbian and gay prospective adoptive parents the opportunity to adopt children,” said Charlotte Patterson, the lead researcher.

Currently, 115,772 same-sex American couples have kids. And if the success of The Kids Are Alright says something, then most of the country is ready to embrace gay adoption. So what’s the hold up?

Should we allow same-sex couples to adopt?

From Motherlode.

The first two years of my son’s life, I was a working mom with a son in daycare. Then, after my daughter was born, I decided I wanted to stay home with my kids. But financially, giving up a second income all together was not an option, so we decided to open a small family daycare out of the home.

I retired from daycare almost a year ago and think about those years often when I meet new moms who are putting their child in daycare for the first time. I always like to offer advice from the perspective of the daycare provider and share things with them that I wish had been shared with my parents when they first started in my daycare.

So here is a list of the things your daycare provider wishes they could tell you.
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I have the same thought just a few pages into every parenting book I have ever read: “Yes! This is going to change my life.”

The new best parenting book always seems to hit on a chronic area of concern or current dilemma. Discipline? Bullying? I always find the subject I need is covered. What perfect timing! It must be fate.

I become convinced that by simply finishing the book I will be a better parent for it. Of course I usually need to renew the book as I can hardly ever finish it by the due date. Then I decide to buy it because I just know that by owning it, I will be guaranteed to be that parent I so want to be. I am overcome with confidence.

What I realize is that it’s not the actual information that makes me feel better but the belief that I will succeed. As a placebo begins working immediately I am instantly flooded with relief. I can do it!
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I’m sure we can all agree that getting your child to learn an instrument has benefits. It’s great for learning, future college applications, and to, you know, impress other parents. But new research—which actually sounds legit, considering how many big words and concepts go over my head—talks about the scientific benefits of studying music. In fact, it teaches how to learn better.

Engaging with music increases neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt and change over the course of one’s life—and enables nervous system to provide “stable scaffolding of meaning patterns so important to learning.”

It also helps communication skills, not just with music, but in all aural forms, thanks to increased sound-to-meaning connections in the brain. And for kids with learning disorders, particularly those vulnerable to the effects of background noise, music training can strengthen those neural processes that affect their development, especially in children with dyslexia or have trouble hearing.

So there. Even more reasons for kids to learn music!

Do your kids play an instrument?

From Science Daily. Photo by Ernst Vikne.

Did you watch the premiere of Mad Men last night? I sure did! We can probably all agree that Betty Draper is not the best of parents. See:

From New York Magazine.

I think Tanner would agree with me when I tell you that he has had a pretty fun summer vacation up until this point. We have spent countless hours around water whether it’s been a pool, lake, the San Francisco Bay or Pacific Ocean.

We were in Lake Tahoe for the Fourth of July where we basically planted ourselves on a beach for four days. It was crowded as could be, but Tanner remained happy with a shovel and a deep hole dug at the water’s edge.

I enjoy taking him places where I know he will have a good time, and it’s easy to travel with him because he tends to just go with the flow of things. I always pack enough bedding so that in the evenings I can create a cozy nest for him to sleep in much like at home. He doesn’t need much when we travel — a few books, some of his best toys and a comfortable place to sleep at night will do. (OK, well, maybe some chicken strips thrown in there for good measure.)
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OK, we can probably agree that being on a plane with a screaming baby isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone. But if you’ve ever been around any baby, you also know that it’s not bad parenting that causes babies to throw tantrums. Sometimes that’s just the way they are, and sometimes they are that way on planes. It happens.

Meet 67-year-old Jean Barnard, an American tourist who is suing Qantas Airlines because a toddler “leaned across the aisle and screamed in her ear as she was finding her seat.” Barnard is claiming the scream made her ear bleed (what?) and is blaming the crew for not being able to protect her. From a three-year-old child. Who yelled. And not even for the whole flight, but just once.

The case was settled, and afterward, Barnard said, “I guess we are simply fortunate that my eardrum was exploding and I was swallowing blood. Had it not been for that, I would have dragged that kid out of his mother’s arms and stomped him to death.”

As someone who got not a wink of sleep on a transcontinental red-eye because of a wailing baby, I can attest that I was not in a good mood afterward. But I wasn’t angry about it. I guarantee it was a much worse experience than that. And guess what? I didn’t SUE ANYBODY.

From TIME.

Are you a mom whose looking to broaden your child’s music catalog with something other than Barney’s latest? Maybe you’ve had your fill of listening to Dora the Explorer and Baby Genius compilation CDs in the car. Is one more version of “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” going to send you running? Here’s a list of my recommendations of children’s artists who make music parents can enjoy too.

Imagination Movers

Have you ever what would happen if the Beastie Boys or the Red Hot Chili Peppers took it down a notch and started making music for kids? Wonder no further, because you can get a taste of that alternate universe while listening to these Disney Channel darlings. Their infectious and hip alternative grooves caught my attention immediately.
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The tragedy of Phoebe Prince, a victim of cyberbullying, has been a hot topic among parents concerned about internet safety. When six students at Prince’s high school were charged as criminals for encouraging her suicide, it seemed like they were being made examples to prevent future cyberbullying. But more details have come out about Prince herself, and while it doesn’t vindicate her bullies, it does show that it wasn’t just the bullying that led her to hang herself.

According to an article by Emily Bazelon on Slate, “She was deeply troubled long before she ever met the six defendants. And her own behavior made other students understandably upset.” Prince had attempted suicide before and was regularly cutting herself — “on her chest above her bra and all the way down her hips.” She dated two seniors as a freshman. She was taking antidepressants.

These things don’t necessarily add up to the portrait of a suicide, but it reveals that there were other factors in Phoebe Prince’s life — perhaps factors far more serious than Facebook bullying — that led to her death.

What lessons can we learn from Phoebe Prince?

From Slate.