When your youngest child finally leaves toddlerhood behind and can no longer be considered a baby, it can bring about a range of emotions. The emotions can range from absolute excitement and joy to a very real sense of loss and grief. But whatever side of the spectrum our feelings fall on, the question will always pop up into our mind: should I have another baby?

I am no stranger to this moment in motherhood as my youngest will be in kindergarten by the end of August. But, like many of you out there, circumstances prevent me from realistically entertaining the idea of having another baby at this point. For many women the choice is made for them. Financially, physically, or logistically, they are unable to have another baby.

This post is for them.

Over the weekend I got to spend some time with one cute little baby. A smiley faced happy little guy who made my uterus ache. But we are not having another baby right now. So today I am focusing my attention on all the good things about not having a baby.

1. No Diapers

Diapers are certainly one of the least glamorous aspects of motherhood and I felt liberated when I no longer had to deal with them anymore. No more budgeting money for diapers, no dirty diaper pails, no diaper bags, and no more wipes. How wonderful it is to be diaper free cannot be described to a new mom who thinks that she will be changing diapers for the rest of her life.

2. Sleep

OK, so I’m not going to claim that with a seven and five year old in the house I sleep like I did when I was 20. But I certainly sleep more hours and better than I did when I was breastfeeding my babies. And on a really lazy Sunday morning, if I don’t feel like getting up, I have a seven year old who can throw a couple of waffles in the toaster himself.

3. Sweet Freedom

Most new moms go through moments in the first year or two of their baby’s life feeling like they are chained to their child. But that passes. Now I can relax in the backyard with a book while the kids play. Or decide to go for a walk or a drive. No diaper bags or car seats, just hop in the car and go. Yes, I love having some of my freedom back. It makes me a better mom and a happier person.

4. More Conversation

When kids get to be school age, they become real people. They have views and opinions on everything and are a blast to hang out with. I love chilling out with my kiddos. They keep me grounded, make me laugh, and always keep me thinking. A gurgling baby is cute, but can’t do any of that stuff the same way older kids can.

5. Holidays Rock

As much as we look forward to our child’s first Christmas, Halloween, Easter, and every other cute holiday, the truth is in that first year it’s still about us, not the child. It’s not until our child is old enough to really grasp the magic of the holidays’ that we get to start enjoying the Norman Rockwell-esque Christmases we dreamed about while we were pregnant.

So what do you think is the best part of having your children out of babyhood?

Three states — Florida, Mississippi, and Utah — don’t allow gay couples to adopt. But they should! Research has shown that same-sex couples make perfectly good parents, and in some cases, are even better parents than straight couples. (That last bit is controversial, but the research at least concludes that families with same-sex parents are not worse off.) So is it time to end the ban on gay adoptions?

An article from the August issue of Applied Developmental Science argues that there’s no reason policy should prohibit same-sex couples from adopting. There is “no justification for denying lesbian and gay prospective adoptive parents the opportunity to adopt children,” said Charlotte Patterson, the lead researcher.

Currently, 115,772 same-sex American couples have kids. And if the success of The Kids Are Alright says something, then most of the country is ready to embrace gay adoption. So what’s the hold up?

Should we allow same-sex couples to adopt?

From Motherlode.

The first two years of my son’s life, I was a working mom with a son in daycare. Then, after my daughter was born, I decided I wanted to stay home with my kids. But financially, giving up a second income all together was not an option, so we decided to open a small family daycare out of the home.

I retired from daycare almost a year ago and think about those years often when I meet new moms who are putting their child in daycare for the first time. I always like to offer advice from the perspective of the daycare provider and share things with them that I wish had been shared with my parents when they first started in my daycare.

So here is a list of the things your daycare provider wishes they could tell you.

1. She Is Not Rich

Most daycare providers are struggling just like everyone else. The money spent on toys, food, cleaning supplies, laundry, daycare insurance, licensing, an assistant, and taxes cost more than you think. When you don’t pay your daycare provider, they sometimes can’t do their grocery shopping — shopping that includes the food for meals they’re going to prepare for your child the following week. What would you tell your boss if he/she told you he/she would have to pay you sometime next week instead of payday?

2. Your Daycare Provider Has a Life

If daycare hours are 7a.m. to 6p.m. that does not mean 6:40a.m. to 6:30p.m. If you think it does, that mean your daycare provider may miss back-to-school nights or dinners with friends while waiting for you to show up.

3. She Is Not a Business, She Is An Individual

When write your daycare provider a bad check, it does not get returned to the accounting department. There is no staff to send you the check back with a form letter to ask for payment. When you bounce a check, her checks bounce.

4. “Cash Only” Means Cash Only.

Cash only is for your protection as much as your daycare provider’s.

5. If Your Child is Sick, Keep Him/Her at Home

Read your daycare provider’s sick policy and follow it. Think about how you would feel if it were someone else’s child who was sick and infecting yours.

6. If You’re Home Sick, Consider Keeping Your Child Home

Chances are your child will be exposing everyone else to what you already have, especially if you have something highly contagious like the stomach flu. Otherwise you just might be staying home again if your daycare provider catches it a few days later.

7. Your Daycare Doesn’t have Sick Leave

Try to help daycare providers out, by avoiding getting them sick when you can.

8. Don’t Lie About Potty-training

Don’t send your child in underwear saying that they’re “potty-trained” when they are clearly not. Seems obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many parents don’t get this.

9. Bring Diapers for your Child

When your daycare provider need diapers for your child, please bring them. When you run out, she then has to take from someone else’s supply. That’s money out of someone else’s pocket, and is unfair.

10. Be Accessible

Your daycare provider needs to know where you are. If you are taking the day off for any reason, tell him/her how to reach you. In an emergency or if your child is ill, she needs to know. And please don’t turn off your cell phone.

11. Announce Absences

If you know you’re not coming on a certain day, don’t wait until 11a.m. that day to call and tell her. You never know when one absence will make a difference in not needing an assistant, or preparing a smaller meal or activities for that day.

12. No Junk Food in the Morning

Do not send your child to your daycare provider’s house in the morning with a snack that consists of sugar and chocolate. Even if there was enough for everyone, chances are the other kids probably aren’t allowed to have chocolate cookies in the morning…

And most important lesson: you can embarrass each other, but don't embarrass me.

The new best parenting book always seems to hit on a chronic area of concern or current dilemma. Discipline? Bullying? I always find the subject I need is covered. What perfect timing! It must be fate.

I become convinced that by simply finishing the book I will be a better parent for it. Of course I usually need to renew the book as I can hardly ever finish it by the due date. Then I decide to buy it because I just know that by owning it, I will be guaranteed to be that parent I so want to be. I am overcome with confidence.

What I realize is that it’s not the actual information that makes me feel better but the belief that I will succeed. As a placebo begins working immediately I am instantly flooded with relief. I can do it!

I am not a terrible parent. I am a tired parent. I am tired of all of my ineffective parenting methods and I am tired of my children.

But with each new problem leading to yet one more parenting book, I am encouraged not to give up. I can’t exactly give up my job as a mom. I checked. There is no severance.

So with each new book, I recommit to trying this parenting thing with a little more effort.

The problem is not just that I can never stay with any method long enough to see actual success, but that my kids (and their issues) are constantly changing. By the time I get the hang of what the book is saying, it no longer applies.

Some things are obvious. Safety, manners, and previewing expected behavior are all ingrained in our family. It may be boring for me to hear my voice repeatedly going over what “good behavior” means depending on where we are, but my kids get it in one sentence now. As opposed to five years ago when we needed to go over and over every possibility before getting out of the car. “Seriously, no throwing anything in the library, still.”

But I realize that I have been short sighted. It’s not just about having good kids. It’s about raising good people. I feel pressure to make sure my boys don’t push other kids down for a ridiculous reason such as “He was annoying me!” But I also want to raise the kind of person who would check on a kid who falls down rather than yelling, “I didn’t do anything! It’s not my fault!” when he sees it.

Parenting books are great, but there are things I need to teach my kids by example. These are the most important lessons I have tried to impart that I did not learn from parenting books:

• A good attitude and a smile will go a long way.
• If you can’t laugh at yourself everybody else will do it for you.
• It is okay to be different as long as you are doing what you want and not hurting anybody.
• You do not have to go along with the crowd if it doesn’t sound like a good idea to you.
• If you can’t be kind, be quiet.

And most important:

• If you think I would get mad at you for doing something then don’t do it.

Maybe I should write my own parenting book.

Read more from Kindergarten Chronicles.

I’m sure we can all agree that getting your child to learn an instrument has benefits. It’s great for learning, future college applications, and to, you know, impress other parents. But new research—which actually sounds legit, considering how many big words and concepts go over my head—talks about the scientific benefits of studying music. In fact, it teaches how to learn better.

Engaging with music increases neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt and change over the course of one’s life—and enables nervous system to provide “stable scaffolding of meaning patterns so important to learning.”

It also helps communication skills, not just with music, but in all aural forms, thanks to increased sound-to-meaning connections in the brain. And for kids with learning disorders, particularly those vulnerable to the effects of background noise, music training can strengthen those neural processes that affect their development, especially in children with dyslexia or have trouble hearing.

So there. Even more reasons for kids to learn music!

Do your kids play an instrument?

From Science Daily. Photo by Ernst Vikne.

Did you watch the premiere of Mad Men last night? I sure did! We can probably all agree that Betty Draper is not the best of parents. See:

From New York Magazine.

I think Tanner would agree with me when I tell you that he has had a pretty fun summer vacation up until this point. We have spent countless hours around water whether it’s been a pool, lake, the San Francisco Bay or Pacific Ocean.

We were in Lake Tahoe for the Fourth of July where we basically planted ourselves on a beach for four days. It was crowded as could be, but Tanner remained happy with a shovel and a deep hole dug at the water’s edge.

I enjoy taking him places where I know he will have a good time, and it’s easy to travel with him because he tends to just go with the flow of things. I always pack enough bedding so that in the evenings I can create a cozy nest for him to sleep in much like at home. He doesn’t need much when we travel — a few books, some of his best toys and a comfortable place to sleep at night will do. (OK, well, maybe some chicken strips thrown in there for good measure.)

Since I’m not working the official 9 to 5 job at this time, we tend to spend a lot of time together. The grandparents jump in on occasion, but for the most part, it’s Tanner and me hanging tight for the summer.

So I was pretty fired up this past weekend when we were offered access to a beach house located in Stinson Beach. For those of you from outside the Bay Area, Stinson Beach is located approximately 30 minutes north of the Golden Gate Bridge.

The particular area we stayed in is called Seadrift. It’s a gated community of homes with some directly on the beach while others back up to a man-made lagoon. We stayed in a house that backed up to the lagoon, which for Tanner is a highlight because the lagoon is full of crabs. One of Tanner’s favorite pastimes is catching crabs off of the backyard dock. He can occupy himself for hours as he checks his traps and moves crabs from one bucket to another, inspecting them as he does.

Have you ever experienced one of those days where you seem extra sensitive to your surroundings? For example, you’re eating lunch and the person sitting next to you is eating potato chips. Most of the time, this wouldn’t bother you and you probably wouldn’t even notice. But there are those days when each bite that person takes of the chip just floods into your eardrums and after a while, for whatever reason, it just starts to grate on your nerves.

OK… I think that may have been me on the last day at the beach. It’s wonderful to spend my time with Tanner. He is seven now and says the funniest things in all seriousness, and I find it pretty cute. Unfortunately, there are those days when he has so much to say and I’m his only outlet. Hold on. I take that back. Everyday he has a lot to say.

This past “potato chip” experience focused on the word “Dad.” Naturally, I hear him say it on a daily basis, and he says it a lot. Dad? Dad! Dad!? Dad. Dad. Dad. I hear it everyday. I appreciate it. I cherish it and I hope he always calls me Dad.

But on this last day, after days of hearing ‘Dad’ over and over again, I was done. My ears simply couldn’t handle hearing that high-pitched little voice of his saying “Dad” anymore.

Instead of simply telling him to put a sock in it, and boy was I tempted, I decided to lighten things up a bit and make a sport of it. Beginning in the morning I started to take an approximate count of how many times he said could say “Dad” in a single day.

Here’s how it went: I took “sample minutes” as separate data points and from there went on to create an approximate “Dad” average per minute. On average, Tanner says “Dad” about five times a minute. Doing the math that works out to 300 “Dads” an hour and estimating that Tanner is awake, and talking around 12 hours a day, we come to a total of 3,600 “Dads” per day.

Granted this is simply an approximation, but let’s say it’s a slow day and Tanner only says “Dad” 3 times a minute. That still works out to an impressive 2,160 “Dads” a day.

I will give the kid some credit. That is a lot of ”Dads” for a little guy to say, even if it were only done one day out of his life. Alas, that is not the case and now I’m starting to wonder if I should get the Guinness Book of World Records involved?

I’m over it as of today. I must have hit the reset button and once again my “ear force fields” are operational and the ”Dads” are bouncing off me. I guess like most parents I hit that point in time where everything our children do is amplified and drives us ding-dong.

I know I will always rebound but there are certainly those days when I feel like exclaiming to the world, “Put a fork in me. I’m done!”

Please tell me I’m not the only one who reaches this breaking point?

Signed,

Dad

OK, we can probably agree that being on a plane with a screaming baby isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone. But if you’ve ever been around any baby, you also know that it’s not bad parenting that causes babies to throw tantrums. Sometimes that’s just the way they are, and sometimes they are that way on planes. It happens.

Meet 67-year-old Jean Barnard, an American tourist who is suing Qantas Airlines because a toddler “leaned across the aisle and screamed in her ear as she was finding her seat.” Barnard is claiming the scream made her ear bleed (what?) and is blaming the crew for not being able to protect her. From a three-year-old child. Who yelled. And not even for the whole flight, but just once.

The case was settled, and afterward, Barnard said, “I guess we are simply fortunate that my eardrum was exploding and I was swallowing blood. Had it not been for that, I would have dragged that kid out of his mother’s arms and stomped him to death.”

As someone who got not a wink of sleep on a transcontinental red-eye because of a wailing baby, I can attest that I was not in a good mood afterward. But I wasn’t angry about it. I guarantee it was a much worse experience than that. And guess what? I didn’t SUE ANYBODY.

From TIME.

Laurie Berkner

Imagination Movers

Have you ever what would happen if the Beastie Boys or the Red Hot Chili Peppers took it down a notch and started making music for kids? Wonder no further, because you can get a taste of that alternate universe while listening to these Disney Channel darlings. Their infectious and hip alternative grooves caught my attention immediately.

Laurie Berkner

For Lilith Fair-loving moms. Most preschool parents already know Laurie Berkner from her many appearances on Noggin, but she may be yet undiscovered by some new moms. In the early nineties she toured with an all-female rock cover band, Lois Lane, until she formed her own band, Red Onion. When she found songwriting for the band to be a challenge, she started writing children’s songs and, thankfully for Barney-weary moms everywhere, struck gold.

Dan Zane

For fans of Chris Isaack or Lyle Lovett? Then you’ll love Dan Zane’s funky, bluesy stuff, which will keep the kids smiling as well. The former lead singer for eighties band the Del Fuegos, Dan Zane starting making music for families in the mid to late nineties. Last year DZ & Friends won the Grammy for Best Musical Album for Children. Who are Dan Zane’s friends? Guest stars on his albums have included everyone from Aimee Mann, Lou Reed, Deborah Harry, Bob Weir, and Philip Glass to the Kronos Quartet, Nick Cave, Natalie Merchant, Sheryl Crow, and Blind Boys of Alabama. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Let’s just say there’s something for everybody here.

Incorporating every style and culture of music you can imagine into an eclectic mix of songs that the whole family can groove to.

Ralph’s World/Ralph Covert

For fans of acoustic rock, Ralph Covert, of rock’s Bad Examples, made his first children’s album in 2001, and is now on Disney’s record label, Disney Sound, making music for Playhouse Disney’s huge audience of preschoolers and moms. An interesting mix of pop, rock, and funk, he truly makes music kids and parents can enjoy together.

They Might Be Giants

For fans of…They Might Be Giants. The hip alternative group gave a gift to cool parents everywhere when they released their first children’s album, “Here Come The ABC’s” back in 2002. Now a Disney Sound staple and a favorite of kids and moms alike. TMBG continue their success in the alternative music scene as well as preschooler circuit.

The Wiggles

I couldn’t ignore one of the biggest children’s acts over the last 10 years. Yes, some of you may run screaming at the mere mention of the quartet from Down Under, but considering the Wiggles were formed out of the ashes of a punk group called The Cockroaches (some of the Wiggles earlier songs were just reworked versions of Cockroach tunes) whose members were going to school to become preschool teachers, you got to give them some credit. With friends like John Fogerty and Crowded House’s Paul Hester (who played Paul the Cook until his death in 2005), they do have a cool factor that can’t be denied. Probably the least annoying of all the big name children’s acts out there.

Now that you have some more adult friendly options for kid’s music, I hope your long summer family road trip will be that much easier to bear. What are some of your kid’s favorites that you can live with?

The tragedy of Phoebe Prince, a victim of cyberbullying, has been a hot topic among parents concerned about internet safety. When six students at Prince’s high school were charged as criminals for encouraging her suicide, it seemed like they were being made examples to prevent future cyberbullying. But more details have come out about Prince herself, and while it doesn’t vindicate her bullies, it does show that it wasn’t just the bullying that led her to hang herself.

According to an article by Emily Bazelon on Slate, “She was deeply troubled long before she ever met the six defendants. And her own behavior made other students understandably upset.” Prince had attempted suicide before and was regularly cutting herself — “on her chest above her bra and all the way down her hips.” She dated two seniors as a freshman. She was taking antidepressants.

These things don’t necessarily add up to the portrait of a suicide, but it reveals that there were other factors in Phoebe Prince’s life — perhaps factors far more serious than Facebook bullying — that led to her death.

What lessons can we learn from Phoebe Prince?

From Slate.