Parenting

Zoinks! I have created a monster!!

I have really enjoyed introducing new activities to Tanner over the past few years. At the age of three, I taught him how to fishing and was thrilled to buy him his own pole, provide instruction, and watch as he learned to use it.

He started riding a classic Schwinn Pixie at about the same age, and as he progressed with his riding skills, I upgraded him to a sweet little Gary Fisher mountain bike that he now rides effortlessly. I recall the day he got the mountain bike as if it were yesterday. He was very excited and just couldn’t wait to ride it.
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There are hundreds of parenting books published each year, but how trustworthy are they? Can parents make informed decisions without reading them, or is that irresponsible? NPR’s Tell Me More talked with the authors of two very different parenting books. The first as Ada Calhoun, who wrote Instinctive Parenting, which urges parents to trust their intuition. The second as Po Bronson, co-author of NutureShock, which tells parents to go against their gut.

The arguments are pretty strong from both sides. Calhoun says she feels better ignoring studies and “experts,” taking advice from friends, family, and her pediatrician instead. Trusting your instincts is OK more often than not.

Bronson disagreed. He says that expert advice is largely beneficial, as it takes into account years and years of research from many different people.

“It probably seems to people out there like one scientist says this and the other scientist says that,” Bronson says. “That is not the case. The scientists have been reproducing each other’s research and been saying one thing for 10 or 20 years. And we as a society haven’t been listening to that.”

Both Calhoun and Bronson raise compelling points. Who do you think is right?

Read more at NPR. Photo by cafemama.

Saturday, 12:30 PM. The scene is a local burger hangout. The pleasant aroma of burgers and fries fills the air. I am sitting at a table with my kids and another family. A group of older middle school children are hanging out at the next table waiting for their food. Each one has a smartphone. Each one is texting furiously. None of them are talking, looking at each other or engaging in any way. My friend says to me “They are probably all texting each other” and I realize this is probably true.

As I continue with this article, critiquing our society’s obsession with electronic media and subsequent non-human interaction, I want you to know that I am no media saint myself. The kids watch too much TV, we have a Wii, they play computer games more than they should. I have an iPhone, which I look at during dinner at restaurants with my family. My kids see me check my e-mail first thing in the morning and frequently during the day. I am not a great role model, and am therefore as much to blame as anyone else in the growing concern regarding the effect that TV and new media obsession has on personal interactions.
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It has been raining a lot here lately, but a week or so ago, we had this beautiful spring-like day. I found myself up the street from my house sitting on a rock that overlooked a local lake. It was one of those calm and warm days where it’s easy to understand what it feels like to be a lizard perched on a rock soaking in the sun. As is the norm these days, I started thinking about my life over the past few years and evaluating my decision not to work.
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Over at Babble, David Shenk has “4 Ways to Guide Your Child Toward Excellent,” or better put, tips for parents to help their kids succeed. The advice isn’t too specific, but I think it’s intentionally ambiguous so it can be applied to whatever part of your child’s life needs parental support. Here are the four steps and some excerpts from Shenk:

1. Believe
“Rather than wonder if their child is among the “gifted” chosen few, parents should believe deeply in the extraordinary potential of their children.”

2. Support, don’t smother
“Early exposure to resources is wonderful, as is setting high expectations and demonstrating persistence and resilience when it comes to life challenges. But a parent must not use affection as a reward for success or a punishment for failure.”
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When parents push their kids to succeed — whether it’s academically or athletically — there’s a careful balance of nurturing a will to do his/her best and not forcing your kids to do something just because the parent is living vicariously through them. It’s tricky. In her column for the Los Angeles Times, Sandy Banks talks about how that tension can strengthen the bond between mother and daughter.

It took years on the soccer sidelines for me to learn to walk away, to honor my daughter’s wish that I please, please not embarrass her by becoming one of those parents who strides out onto the field to pick a fight with the referee.

I only recently realized that she was honoring my wish by strapping on those shin guards every week. She got tired of playing long before I let her quit.

I spent weekends with my daughter, traveling to games and tournaments. And if the love of soccer didn’t stick, well, the closeness between mother and daughter did.

The rest at the Los Angeles Times. Photo by brit.

Is Tim Burton’s reimagining of Alice in Wonderland appropriate viewing material for kids? Burton is known for his dark, violent films like Sweeney Todd, but also bizarrely yet kid-friendly fare like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Over at Babble, Erika Milvy thinks that Alice falls in the latter category. And not only is it OK for children, she thinks it’s just a straight up good movie.

She writes, “This is a film you’ll want your daughter to see instead of Hannah Montana… Like Where the Wild Things Are this is a film about childhood as well as being a film that will enchant children. If your kid isn’t old enough, see it alone.”

Kids movies that aren’t just for kids! And I thought only Pixar could do it. Anyone seen Alice in Wonderland yet? Movie trailer is on YouTube, because embedding is disabled.

This week’s Momversation deals with sexual abuse — not a fun topic, but an important for parents to think about. The question was pitched by our friend Asha from Parent Hacks.

Over time, loud concerts and sports events will damage your hearing, but how do you slow down that process? Taking measures to protect your one’s ears as early as possible. According to the Times, parents don’t take enough measures to preserve their children’s ears.

The article compliments New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees for putting earmuffs on his one-year-old son during their Super Bowl victory celebration. Those earmuffs might look dorky, but they’re extremely cheap ($20ish) and can make a big difference in protecting your child’s hearing. They are also better than ear plugs and aren’t a choking hazard.

Interesting fact: sales of Baby Banz earmuffs, designed specifically for infants six months and older, rose 40% after the Super Bowl.

The full story at the New York Times.

In response to a piece by Nona Willis Arononwitz, Allison Stevens of WomensRadio answers why parents aren’t more aware of the political landscape: it’s simply a matter of time. Parents are already stretched thin with their responsibilities, and since basic needs, like taking care of the family, come first. But Allison isn’t saying that parents should give up on staying informed.

“But mothers can’t job this out, however tired we may feel,” she writes. “That’s why I have decided to take the time–or make it if I have to–to fill this space with coverage of motherhood and politics. Even as I write this our baby, Owen, is screaming in the background as his father tries to put him to sleep (an especially difficult task for the breastmilk-less parent of a breastfed baby). It’s the price we’ll pay as a family to stay informed and active.”

Read the rest of Allison’s column at WomensRadio. Photo by jcolman.