Parents are busy busy busy, and there’s rarely a free second in a given day. But with so many things to do and so much stress as a modern parent, when is “me” time appropriate? Is it selfish to even want time to yourself? Parents Ask pitched the question to Carin Goldstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist, who encouragingly said that every parent needs a little time to themselves.
You’re only as good to those around you as you are to yourself. If you don’t take at least an hour here and there to stop, relax, take a breath, see a friend, thumb through your favorite magazine, take a shower and (dare I say) blow dry your hair, etc., etc, then the chances of burn out for you are very high. Burn out for a mother only equals a resentful you, cranky kiddies and a partner who won’t be so eager to snuggle with you on the couch once the kids are tucked in.
Cathy asked herself this very question yesterday. When she figured out that she needed “me” time, she started getting coffee every week with two other moms who would share their parenting war stories. I think the key is setting a specific time every week for yourself. Because if you wait for a free moment, it’ll never come!
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I think if you don't get some alone time ever now and then (not just parents but expecially parents) you will just up the stress level and everything that you are doing might not get done fully and you will just be less productive in general. I think it is a great idea to get away, even if its once or twice a week to just relax.
I agree with Ashley. No "me" time will result in self destructive habits as well as depression and more stress. Theres not need to feel guilty because you're doing it for everyone's benefit
Should parents feel guilty for wanting "me" time. Absolutely positively not! Children need healthy parents. Physically and emotionally.. What kind of message are we sending our children when they watch us spend all of our time taking care of everyone around us except ourselves? One of the best gifts we can give our children is the respecting oneself and the importance of taking time out to care for our needs
Parents should never feel quilty for wanted "me" time. Every parent needs to take time for themselves in order to be healthy in mind and body. Your children need a strong and happy parent.
Absolutely not!! If we don't recharge our batteries, we will not be good parents. Me time allows us to refocus and clear our minds. No one should be expected to be "on" all the time.
I feel like way too many parents are so engrossed in their kids lives that they are doing the kids a disservice. How will they ever learn to be confident, self-assured human beings when they are never out of sight of Mommy and/or Daddy? I've talked to people (IRL and online) who have 10 and 12 year old kids who have NEVER been anywhere but school without their parents! Whatever are the kids (and parents) going to do when it's time to leave for college? Or will they?
Parents need "Me" time to de-stress, get to reknow your spouse on a date. If you do not take some "me" time you may end up with having to take a time-out in the corner to cool off.
Kids need supervision. Yet, we all need group time and "me" time. Balance for you and the situation as times go on. Balance is the key.
Parents have enough to worry about without feeling guilty about "me" time…. its important to take that time also….if your not happy the home won't be healthy……
No, parents shouldn't feel guilty at all. Because parents who don't have enough "me" time are usually not effective parents – they tend to bring their stress, woes, etc. to the family, which is, more often than not, unhealthy.
The "PC" society and media Tries to make parents feel bad about a break from the kids.
If you ask me, i think it's healthier for kids not to be around a parent 24/7.
I grew up sheltered and attached to my conservative mom…now i'm 20 and STILL overcoming the psychological affects it had on me.
Parents need to have "me" time for everyone's sanity! Parenting is a tough job, and can be all-consuming if we let it.
Parents should not feel guilty for needing "me" time. A "me" time refreshes a parent, In a way, it is similar to needing to sleep. Can you imagine not getting to sleep for several days? How would you feel? Just as sleep refreshes you so does "me" time.
"Me" time is really important as a parent. We need that time to relax and be ourselves and in the end I think it helps us to be a better parent.
I've struggled with this question many times. "Me" time is a must for me, but I also need to remember to balance it and spend time with the girls and my hubby as well. That can be tough on hard days where I just want to shut out the world, but I have to put them first!
Should parents feel guilty for wanting "me" time? NO! I think parents should take 'me' time, to make sure they are healthy and balanced individuals, so they can be better parents. In addition, focusing ONLY on the kids sets the stage for 'entitled' kids that think the world totally revolves around them. Not healthy at all!
Should parents feel bad for wanting "ME" time?
I personally am not a parent yet (haha). But by just being rational, I don't think you guys should feel bad for having time for yourselves. Yes, you are parents, actually you are also daughters, sisters, friends, etc. but after all those roles you portray, you still are just humans. You NEED time for yourselves. How can you possibly pour care to others without caring for yourselves in the first place? I've read this somewhere: "Happiness is like a perfume, you cannot pour it out on somebody without getting a few drops on yourself." I think this also applies with love, care, etc.
You cannot give something to others (your kids) what you don't have.
I find that if I don't have any ME time, then I am much more short tempered with my kids. It's a win-win for everyone if I can just get a little alone time to reset!
When my kids were babies, toddlers I felt extremely guilty for wanting "Me time" Down the road, I realized that ,yes,I needed and deserved some time for myself. When I did-I felt refreshed and more able to handle life
I absolutely love the comparison that Mary M made between needing time-for-self in the same way as needing sleep. Both are needed for mental health. And both are among the first things to go when kids come into the picture.
Absolutely not! We all need time to do the things we enjoy alone and with other people outside of our immediate families. If your entire life is tied to raising kids and keeping your spouse happy, there's not much self-identity left in there.
We all need "me" time. I haven't had it in awhile and my fuse is shorter than usual. I feel refreshed when I have it and I am a better mom too because of it. So, yes, I highly recommend it.
I don't think a parent should feel bad for wanting "me" time. I think everyone should have some time to themselves. I sure wish I had some extra "me" time
It's hard NOT to feel guilty – but it's in everyone's best interest if you don't!!!!!
I always feel guilty….but then try to keep in mind that a few minutes for me is a good thing to keep me from going crazy with all the day to day housekeeping, bill paying, housework, blah, blah blah
I feel that it is extremely important for couples to have “me time”! As parents, we need to reconnect without the chaos of our daily lives. When parents reconnect they make better listeners for their children as well. I think it teaches children about relationships and better communication. We are our children’s first teachers and it is our responsibility to teach them how to interact with other people & how to be confident individuals! Plus couples need to be reminded why they chose to share their lives together & have children!
What is this "me" time of which you speak? LOL Of course we all need time to unwind and not think about our responsibilities! No one would ever ask if we should feel guilty for leaving work everyday. Why should it be any different with our kids? I don't want my kids thinking they have a right to every moment of my day. That would just result in self-centered, dysfunctional adults. I love them. I do well by them. I feel no guilt telling them to go away so I can have some peace for me! It doesn't just get me a break, it teaches them to take care of their own needs.
My parents were a wonderful example of showing the importance of their own time together and alone. With 5 kids, they needed it to stay sane. Us kids…we learned to be independent.
I know I don't get much me time but when I do its wonderful! I feel so refreshed even if its only an hour.
I know I need me time.I used to feel that every second of the day had to be about the kids and now that they're teenagers I need me time away from them more than ever. They should know you have your own life that isn't necessarily devoted to them anymore so they can learn to respect others and not simply demand time and attention as if it's a right.
I know if I don't get "me" time I get very snippy and my nerves are shot! I think it is a very important and HEALTHY thing to have "me" time. Spouses should be considerate of each other in this respect, giving one another the opportunity to have "me" time. If the person is single, it is important to have a support system in place that can watch the kids so you can have some time to yourself.
I truly wish I had some ME time but my husband and I so rarely get us time that I let the ME time go to the sidelines. I can tell a difference in my additude when I get to spend more time alone with my hubby vs being with the kiddos 24/7
Oh, I chuckled at this one. WANTING "me" time, and finding "me" time is so different! Wanting it is healthy, taking it is even healthier. Resentment over not getting it is not healthy for the parent, and definitely not for the child.
Not at all. Parents definitely need to plan out time for themselves and time to be with their spouses. Every time I hear about a guy cheating on his spouse I think, "What, you couldn't have hired a babysitter and taken her out? You know, gotten her in the mood?"
Parents should not feel guilty to wanting "me " time. And moms and dads should work together to make sure it can happen.
i think it is important to have me time , i am the mother of three children, and to cut down on stress i need some time to myself. just a hour to read a book or take a hot bath is so destressing. To get away to shop or get grocerys is also a good time to destress. you are multitasking but also having some me time.
I regularly stay up late after the wife and kids go to sleep so I can have my "ME" time…I need this to unwind and just be…there is nothing wrong with this!!
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This is a common question in every ones mind!!!!
all my opinions are expressed by the commentators above me, i strongly agree with them!!
p.s good site!!!!
If I didn't have alone time I would go crazy. Even if it is just a glass of wine and a book while everyone is asleep.