I was overjoyed to hear the news that 16-year old teen sailor Abby Sunderland, who’d lost contact with her family and set off two of her three emergency beacons, was found safe and sound Friday morning. Sunderland, who hails from Thousand Oaks, CA, is attempting to be the youngest solo sailor to make it around the world. And for 24 hours, her parents waited to hear news of their teenage daughter who was braving the world alone on a boat in the Indian Ocean.
While following this story, before Abby Sunderland was found, my only thoughts were hopes that she be found safe. And now that she has, I am left pondering the story all together. My children are seven and five. In ten years they will be just about and just over Abby Sunderland’s age. I cannot begin to imagine letting either of them get on a boat and sail around the world. Not in my wildest dreams. I can’t imagine letting them drive to the store alone, let alone sail around the world.
I can’t help but be baffled at the idea that Abby’s parents let her go. I’m by no means criticizing them as parents. Not at all, because in all honesty, I do think what Abby is doing is amazing and a true testament to what kind of girl she is and what kind of woman she will someday become: inspiring, strong, and amazing. And that would be partially due to her parents, who let her sail around the world ALONE. This is where my wheels start turning.
I think every child deserves and needs unique parenting because every child is different. And Abby Sunderland is obviously not your average teenager, so the average rules of parenting do not apply.
But this makes me wonder, how do we know how much we should let go? How do we know when being protective of our children begins to hinder their ability to become their own individuals? How do we know when our child is ready to open their sails and navigate through life without us?
Abby Sunderland’s parents did, and though I don’t know that I agree, I applaud them for having the courage to do so.
Thinking about all this today got me thinking about a blog post I had read last January from one of my favorite bloggers, Jessica Gottlieb. In the post, “Alexander’s Big Day” Jessica talked about the challenge and pride she felt when her son crossed two of the local major L.A. boulevards nearby to go to Jamba Juice. Reaching the milestone of crossing those big streets was a big one. The post left me in tears.
For most parents, our kids reaching those milestones are huge. HUGE. But they can be scary and sometimes involve a pretty big leap of faith.
How one parent goes from letting go enough to let their child cross the street and another lets go enough to let their child sail around the world is a lot to digest. And I guess that it goes to show that when we make these kinds of choices, whether it be letting out child cross the busy street alone or letting our teenage daughter sail around the world, we just to have to have faith. Faith that we are making the right choice and faith that the job we have done as parents has been good enough. Good enough so that we know we can trust our children to make right choices as well.
Letting your children go is not easy, and I hope when my children are older that I have the strength and the faith of the Sunderlands.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
My stepdaughter is a Junior at NYU. When I look at her I still see a shy 8 year old who needs to be reminded to brush her teeth. Kids don’t just become responsible adults. They are taught. It is hard to let go as much at High School Graduation as it is at Kindergarten graduation. But you need to have faith that they will be okay. The more you trust that they will succeed the more they will believe the same.
It’s hard to imagine your kids driving now. But in 15 years you will not remember when they couldn’t.
Not every sixteen year old can sail around the world. But every sixteen year old should have parents who support her (or him) in attaining a goal.
I personally would not allow my 16 year old child to sail, drive or fly alone across the world! There are so many dangers now just in typical daily life and I would be a nervous wreck to think my child was out in the middle of a huge body of water. Granted I would feel this way at any age with anyone I love but I guess some would say I am a little controling of my children and I definatly could not go for this.
I am not criticizing or judging but for me personally, I would not allow my children to attain such a dangerous goal if it was in my control. My first child passed away at 20 days old and I think this has alot to do with my over-bearingness, if you will. I just like for them to be safe and maybe someday I will be able to "cut the cord"!
If she had the Life360 GPS tracker, they would have known where she was. The parents just weren't prepared…unless they wanted her to be lost/eaten by a whale. College tuition is a lot cheaper that way.
I was so relieved to hear that she was located and safe and sound. I have a daughter her age and would die if anything happened to her.
I have 3 teens! I wouldn't recommend sending any of them off in a boat like that!
It's hard enough to get them to clean up their own rooms and make their own food!
Yes, they will eventually grow up! But I'm just not feeling the urge to send them on a wild
dangeroud adventure such as a "boating" trip!
i recently read free range kids, and i am taking another look at how i parent my daughters. independence- true independence that stems from feeling capable and trusted- can be life-altering. i know i will need to release my girls so that they may become fierce and strong young women. still- it is so difficult to trust the world they are entering.