Saturday, 12:30 PM. The scene is a local burger hangout. The pleasant aroma of burgers and fries fills the air. I am sitting at a table with my kids and another family. A group of older middle school children are hanging out at the next table waiting for their food. Each one has a smartphone. Each one is texting furiously. None of them are talking, looking at each other or engaging in any way. My friend says to me “They are probably all texting each other” and I realize this is probably true.
As I continue with this article, critiquing our society’s obsession with electronic media and subsequent non-human interaction, I want you to know that I am no media saint myself. The kids watch too much TV, we have a Wii, they play computer games more than they should. I have an iPhone, which I look at during dinner at restaurants with my family. My kids see me check my e-mail first thing in the morning and frequently during the day. I am not a great role model, and am therefore as much to blame as anyone else in the growing concern regarding the effect that TV and new media obsession has on personal interactions.
I want you to know that I am fully aware of my culpability. I struggle with it every day. I’m quite sure I am not alone and was hoping that by sharing my parental dilemma, I could garner your insight whether 1) our slow infiltration by electronics and multimedia is merely a plot to one day be taken over by Steve Jobs and his successors? or 2) we are blowing the concerns way out of proportion and, in typical protective fashion, reacting negatively to progress.
Our children are growing up in a plugged-in generation. In a lot of ways that’s great. Kids use cell phones to stay connected with parents, friends and keep themselves safe, a wider range of resources are available to them to make education a richer and more stimulating experience, and “educational programming” has certainly come a long way since I was a kid… more engaging, exciting, fun to watch.
However, the increase in technology and media availability has, of course, its share of issues. We now have many more ways for children (and adults) to disengage from honest human interaction, and that is a worrisome trend. Let’s simply look at the variety of ways people can spend stimulating their minds without looking someone else in the face. Computers and their games, social networking sites, videos, short films, interactive websites, and blogs (yes, like this one!), smartphones and all that come with them, video game consoles, TV, movies, DVD’s, mp3 players, etc. You could also throw electronic readers in there, but reading is usually associated with some discussion (book clubs, debate, open discussion regarding the news that was read), so they have not as yet come under fire for droning out our society.
Several studies have recently uncovered some startling facts about multiple media usage and potential “side effects” that parents should be concerned about. The Kaiser Family Foundation has reported that the average amount of time 8-18 year olds spend with media is around 8 hours a day— that’s a full time job! How can they possibly spend that much time in one day, you ask? Much of that is spent multitasking -using more than one device at a time. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time getting my kids to single task and focus on cleaning their room…. maybe we need an electronic that helps them think doing that is cool?
The Kaiser study also reported that only a third of parents limit their kid’s media use. In addition, children spend about four and a half hours a day in front of the TV, about two and a half hours listening to music, an hour and a half on the computer, and about an hour and a quarter playing video games. Only 38 minutes a day is spent reading.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, which puts out statements advising parents on a variety of topics related to children, has stated that poor school performance, hitting or pushing other kids, aggressively talking back to adults, and frequent nightmares are all potential negative impacts of larger amounts of multiple media consumption. They recommend that parents limit screen time, which they mean to include television, videos, computer and video games, to one to two hours per day. They also suggest that parents co-view and pre-screen what their children are spending viewing and playing.
Another concern regarding the proliferation of technology and media is the lack of interpersonal dialogue and interaction people have while using these devices. And when there is a lack of person- to- person contact, there is a disruption in the development of social skills, interpretation of nonverbal cues, and empathy. One study indicated that teens who “text” frequently are show signs of being depressed and less assured. As children of younger ages are spending more and more time in front of a non reactive screen, social skills are getting more and more disrupted and we may begin to see, if we haven’t already, a shift in how up coming generations relate and deal on a personal basis.
So, is Steve Jobs and the media out to conquer us all? Or are we simply resisting the inevitable and overreacting to progress? I am a proponent of everything in moderation, but struggle with where that line is, especially since that line seems to be moving every day. I guess…. basically, I don’t know. That is why I am asking you. Comments please!
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Social skills can be taught from friends, parents, example, even TV, but only learned by using them. Every society has different acceptable customs for family interaction, neighbor, town, stranger, and the world at large. Technology is changing so many areas: social, spelling, way to learn, perspective, and interaction.
Good and bad because it is change.
To answer, we need to look at one area at a time, then support it with facts. Will multi-tasking cause us to increase / use more of our brain power or are we spreading ourselves too thin? Oops just looked up what percent we use and found out we use it all, 100%, the 10% was a myth. So the answer is we are spreading ourselves too thin by mulit-tasking.
Driving a car and texting is a no.
Talking and texting and watching TV, sure, as long as all is just relaxing unimportant subjects.
The subject is too big to have a yes or no answer.
The home is the first place to put a no electronics at the family gathering like dinner is just for being together to talk and learn and share. No TV and cell phones off. It is one way to teach and learn.
This totally hit home. We are totally in the same boat here & I am as guilty as the next gal… But I think that starting small is the best way. We don't have our phones when we eat (or the tv) and we also to designate a chunk of time after school where there is no TV or video games. I don't always stick to this, but I try.
You asked, "So, is Steve Jobs and the media out to conquer us all? Or are we simply resisting the inevitable and overreacting to progress?"
My guess? Probably a little bit of both…
Our daughter is only 7 months, and I've been using the computer a lot more since she was born. The other day, I realized that I lose a lot of time I should be spending interacting with her when I am on the computer so much. It seems so silly to think that because she is so little and it seems like it wouldn't matter at this time, but I think it does. Thanks for this article that has further helped me see that I need to be careful of how much time I am spending online and what kind of role model I am being.
Not a parent yet, but I just cannot stand when I am in a restaurant and see a family eating together….but their child is on their gameboy. TALK to your child. As a teacher, I see more and more of a lack of social and conversation skills. What precious time with your child that is being used so ineffectively. Just my two cents!
I absolutely hate how media use has infiltrated every pore of our life. I refuse to get a smartphone or let the kids get them, because I know they will just become more of a crutch. To promote family bonding, we like to take walks – no technology allowed – after dinner now that the weather is nicer.
i agree with stefanie R – sometimes i find myself online, looking at photos or videos of my daughter, and then realize i woul d be much better off playing with her in the next room!
This is a great article, thanks. Sometime we just don't think about these things.
Yeah we all probably spend too much time on the computer. But at least most things on the computer require use of one's brain, unlike watching tv.
I think that as long as there is some interaction at home with the kids, that it's ok for them to use the computer, as long as they aren't on it all the time.
We instituted "No Electronics Friday" around our house and it's been a nice break from the technology…the kids enjoy each other so much more during that time.
I must admit, I give my son an ipod touch inside to keep him calm and hes 3, I am afraid we will be one of those family’s. It starts out innocent but quickly gets out of control with electronics.
My kids are 7 and 5 and they know their rules. No vidoe games of any kind during the week,
However, for the past 2 saturdays, my 7-year old would wake up at 7:00 am and right to the wii. I usually let her since that is the only day she can play with freely.
i tried that once, but then as soon as they get home on the weekends they run to the wii. I have a good amount of electronics and i thinks its great for the future of family interactions and relations. Sure it's distracting at times but brings a new level of fun as well.
I have NO PROBLEM being "that" mom. Mini Me is 3 and LOVES electronics. He knows how to access apps on iPhones and iPad. I has a video game system similar to the Wii with a motion controller. He also loves going to baseball games and running around outside. He loves when I read to him (and he pretends to read to me), he has a "journal" that he paints and colors in, and he's learning to write. We skype with friends and relatives who live far away. I refuse to look at electronics as a bad thing. Does he watch too much TV? Perhaps, but at eighteen months old he could hold a conversation with someone. He is sweet and loving and knows what a LightSaber is and how to clink glasses and shout "cheers!" before drinking. He learned to say please and thank you at fifteen months old. Things change. People change. The world changes. I'll take a kid who watches too much TV over one with no manners any day.
I have a two year old that loves playing educational games on the computer, which I don't mind, but I am sure that before long I am going to have to deal with this problem. Love reading. Great article.
i think these things are ok in moderation just like everything else in the world… playing games is great for the childrens imagination but so is playing outside… mix it up a little- play outside for X amount of time then get to play on the inside toys for Y amount of time… save more of the inside time for rainy days so it will be a bit more special
I have 2 young ones at home, and I am frightened of what age they will be asking for these new devices. My 6 year old is already better on the computer than some of the older ones in our family!
OOOooooh…sore subject at OUR house.
We have had teens who have abused Facebook…and it got promptly turned OFF on the PC and kids have to ASK to use my laptop and have to use it in a family friendly place like our living room. We have also had kids go OVERBOARD on texts AND phone minutes, so we cut the texts and limited the phone time. If they go over, they know they are expected to pay. (this means money out of babysitting jobs or even gift money, so they are careful). WE cut out texting completely and now they are asking for it back, but we have continued to say it is NOT so much about the money but the wasted time they spend "communicating" but not SAYING anything. 4300 texts and over 5000 minutes on the phone by saying OMG or TTYL or Yep, Ummm, or "K" doesn't really make for great conversation.
We have a teen daughter who is shy so we thought this would help her fit in and make new friends. She has learned to open up TOO much by computer and phone and has actually REGRESSED in learning social speaking skills.
A LOT of these contraptions (emphasis on TRAP, in my opinion) was first a status symbol and now a "necessity". If you DON'T have these "techno toys" you are doomed a social misfit where we live. We have allowed the toys but have learned to monitor them so much more.
The summer is really busy here with sports so at least the TV is easily monitored. What is hard now is the monitoring of the I touch & phones. We make them put them on the kitchen counter at bedtime so no one is tempted to sneak use (yes, I believe it is a horrible temptation AND addiction for our kids…I am waiting for sociologists & psychologists to study this and find a HUGE detriment to our kids quality of lives in the near future.)
Life happens when you have your hands glued to a TV video stick, a phone glued to their ears and always texting or WAITING for the next message, and their eyes locked into a computer screen. Our youth IS missing out on REAL life!
there side effect of technology, but this all is according to us how we use its, if our is too much use this, i know that its really bad, everything that over too much is bad. but if we use it wisely, than that media will very usefull on our life.
Thank you for this! There are too many things to distract them and there are more that are steadily coming in, but it is up to we parents to disengage our kids in these activities. Computers and maybe one game is probably enough, and those should have limitations!
I know parents who purchase for their 8 yr. olds, digital cameras, phones, laptops, etc…. (I know one parent who does all of these for one child). Pretty sad!
Good thing there are wii to keep our body moving, if it's only tv and computer games then we will have a unhealthy life.
Using technology; not using technology—-it isn't which one, it is which when. When is it appropriate to text and when would the phone be the better communication; for example aunt Alice would probably like a phone call to thank her for the birthday present…a friend would like a text message. When at the dinner table, talking directly is the only form of approved conversation….if homework is not done well, then it isn't time for playing Wii or computer games. Technology is good…in its place…and does add to the child's life; you just have to make sure he/she knows when and where to use it.
loved this article!
Great article, I know I do sometimes spend too much time on the computer. Which can be a problem sometimes for being with family.