1. Pyrrhic victory
After a rare home win by the Washington Nationals, celebrations were canceled at the ballpark in Washington D.C. when post-victory fireworks debris fell on fans including a metro-area fire chief. Displays resumed because authorities predict threat of future Nationals’ wins not great enough to pose future fireworks danger.
Lesson: Make sure fireworks land in safe place; consult relevant laws or authorities to make sure what you’re doing is legal
2. The Shire’s party powder keg
Lesson: fireworks and alcohol, other intoxicating substances, do not mix
3. Don’t stop to smell the rockets
A young Selma Bouvier has bottle rocket shot up nose. Loses senses of smell, taste, humor, decency.
Lesson: Do not, under any circumstances, put your face or any part of your body near firecrackers or fireworks of any kind, nor should you put a firecracker in any orifice (yes people have actually done this)
4. Smoke on the water, no fire in the sky
Australia Day ruined in Woy Woy, Australia, when fireworks on barge fail to light due to prior soaking. Disillusioned Aussies subsequently launch mass exodus to the hostels of Europe, Asia, the Americas.
Lesson: Store your fireworks in a safe, dry place so no one is hurt, and they function come event time
5. Fireworks may not float your barge
Bicentennial celebration in Clear Lake Iowa spoiled when first firework launched from boat falls straight onto its deck, sinking the craft. Crew barely escapes.
Lesson: Ensure you are using fireworks in a suitable location and that you know where they’ll land.
6. Bellas take bang out of celebrations
Women in Naples, Italy, threaten to refuse their husbands intimacy if they launch fireworks to welcome the New Year. Create “Se Spari, Niente Sesso” (If you shoot, no sex) group. Men reluctantly turn over firecrackers.
Lesson: Make sure your wife, husband, kids and other family members are on board with your fireworks plan
For more fireworks safety tips, check out the National Council on Fireworks Safety.